For Your Convenience

Before we go any further with this blog, I should explain why I titled it "For Your Convenience". Although fitting because we are here to serve the great public (that was sarcasm by the way), there is another meaning behind it. It was several years ago when we were dispatched to an unconscious female in an apartment. We arrived on scene with our ambulance and went inside where a man tells us that his wife drank too much and is passed out in the bathroom. At this point he's pretty pissed off at her for coming home drunk and just wants us to take her out of there before the kids wake up. So head into the bathroom and find this chubby Hispanic lady passed out on the floor near the toilet. Trying to wake her up, we give her a sternal rub and apparently open Pandora's Box. See a pattern here? Perhaps we should stop waking up drunks.

Our new friend wakes up, covered in puke, and starts yelling every obstinacy that her middle school education learned her. We grab he clothes and drag her out of the bathroom into the attached bedroom so we could try calming her down but this fish out of water had plenty of fire left in her. She starts screaming at us, "just take to me jail, get me out of here and take me to jail already". We tried explaining to her that we weren't the cops and just wanted to check her vital signs. It was then that she blurted out the infamous line "oh, for your convenience". Everything now became for our "convenience".  "M'am I need to take your blood pressure". "WHATEVER, FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE" in the drunkest way possible. Then she decided to tell us that we were racist and continued cursing at us. We tried advising her her that she most likely needed to go to the hospital and of course, it was for our convenience and wanted us to take her to jail again. Although it was funny as hell, it's times like this where I wish we could take blood pressure from the neck. At this point we realize that she is not competent enough to make her own decisions so we tell the husband that we are taking her and tightly strap her ass to the stretcher like we were going to shoot her out of a cannon. 

We get her in the ambulance and we go back in service, so the rest of this story is what was told to me by the ambulance crew. They go en route to the hospital and the guy in the back is trying to talk to her when the following conversation takes place: (imagine her speaking extremely slurred)

EMT: "Are you on anything or what did you drink?"

Drunk: "I'm not tellin you nuffin" 

EMT: "ok whatever"

Drunk: "I'm not tellin you nuffin cause your the wrong skin color"

EMT: "Oh it's going to be like that?"

Drunk: "For your convenience!"

They arrive at the hospital and the back doors swing open when she sees the brick wall behind the ambulance. "I fucking knew it! You fucking lied to me. You took me to jail" The EMT tells her "No we're just at the hospital". They get her signed in and stick her in a room, then go outside to clean the stretcher when a few minutes later, here comes ol' drunky running out of the hospital and making a b-line for the EMT. She runs up to him, puts her finger in his face and says, "FUCK YOU...I'M OUT!!!" then takes off running through the parking lot. The nurse goes chasing after while this chick is now trying to open every locked door around the building. 

So the phrase "For Your Convenience" became our new response to about everything around the station. I felt it was very fitting as the name for this blog and here we are today.